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ego

Thoughts on Surrender and Surprises

Life pulls out all these unexpected surprises, and the more open I become to the idea of “endless possibilities” the more surprising it becomes.  First of all, I am not the kind of person who is keen on surprises … I’m a Scorpio who likes to uncover mysteries and find hidden truths, so it goes against my innate nature to like surprises.  It would mean someone or something would one-up me!  I can’t let that happen … Besides, as a kid I came to associate surprises with let-downs. So, it has taken quite a bit of work for me to allow surprises.

The idea of endless possibilities may make mathematical sense, but still my imagination feels it’s big enough to reach the depths of the universe.  In reality, my imagination is only able to build on ideas that already exist, stretching known concepts into unknown territory.  Which, in the area of manifestation, still limits those possibilities.

To truly be open to the endless possibilities the universe has to offer me, I need to be able to completely surrender, without thought … I need to let go of all those hidden structures in my brain that are trying to get me to control my outcomes by using my innate problem-solving and imaginative mind.

For me, to be in a state of non-thinking requires distraction … one worthy enough to commit my entire brain.  Otherwise, the only alternative is maintaining a state of unconditional surrender.  Falling into surrender is challenging enough, but maintaining it for any considerable length of time is nearly impossible … “nearly” …

Like anything we care to master, practice is key.  Malcolm Gladwell states in his book, Outliers, that the magical number of practice hours one must have to become a proficient expert is 10,000.  Being that I’ve only been practicing random scatterings of unconditional surrender since August 2012, I’m not quite there yet.  Still, I practice and grow deeper into my dedication.  Surrender does get easier.

And, the more I make the choice to surrender, the more I become pleasantly surprised by the magic and wonder of the universe.  It’s like this giant, loving computer that takes what I feed into it and processes an output that is exactly what I need, whether I want it or not.

Yes, my giant ego requires me to crush it into myself like a can on its way to recycling, imploding all need for thought and control.  Leaving it a crumpled mess of mass, but totally without the space to get in my way.  So, at this moment, I take a deep breath and choose to surrender.  The universe has got this totally figured out.  I don’t have to do anything but smile, allow, and enjoy this moment exactly as it is.

Peacock

delusions of grandeur
covering secret insecurities
we choose not to face

this isn’t power

it’s the tail of a peacock
who doesn’t realize
his true beauty
lies in the way he dances

his divine power
shines in the strength
of his desire
for that which causes him to shimmy

thoughts on consciousness

Consciousness is a choice, though most are not aware of this.  It is not an easy path, but a way of life.  Choosing to ask the questions under the questions and seeking the answers behind the answers, consciousness is about knowing all and choosing to love it as thoroughly as possible, all the while letting it go.  Some days are easier than others for this, when love flows freely through our being and we feel the interconnectedness of all things.  Then, there are days of restriction, fueled by lessons of the ego, where we unconsciously clamp down, grasping at life and limiting our world view.  This restriction comes, intensifying more and more until we allow ourselves to explode open into a release, signifying that this portion of the lesson is over and it’s time to integrate and become one with the beauty of our being again.  Those unable to release continue building pressure until they implode, causing further restriction and often damage to themselves energetically, physically, and emotionally.

Surrender is a hard lesson for most.  Our ego tries so hard to control and handle everything on its own, not trusting the state of grace that lies in the heart of the universe, which always gives us what we need and brings us back to center.  Often, it takes many hard lessons and the feeling of being beaten into the rocks by the surf before we relinquish, release, and allow the tide to carry us without struggling against it.  All struggle is based on fear.  Fear is what keeps us from being at one with our selves, at peace with the world, and from experiencing the full state of love.  Sadness, anger, lack all come from fear.  But, when we face these fears, digging deep into their truths, learning their lessons, and openly walking into them … that’s when we experience true liberation of the soul, the freedom of Being.

Beware the Paradigm Shift!

Ok, universe … let me get this straight … you want me to drop ALL my old paradigms?  …  At the same time?

Oh … wait … that’s right … I did ask for it … Shit!  That’ll teach me (once again) to be careful what I wish for.

But but but … I’m afraid … What if I drop those old paradigms and become a total bore?  Will my life still be fun once I let go and welcome the new into my life?  I mean, I know my heart will expand, and I feel I’ll have much more peace … But my heart is ever-expanding, and I have much more peace than I used to …

*breathing*

Ok, so this is where I own my personal responsibility and say “Yes!  This is exactly what I’ve been wanting.” and be happy with the shift within me that translates into my own personal world, and extending out into the world around me … And I know it will greatly impact the world around me, because I feel the impending expansion within me, which will allow me to be more good and do more good, for the greater good …

But still … letting go of all of this at the same time is terrifying … and I nearly want to cry … like putting your old dog to sleep … But then there’s that puppy!  That youthful, joyful puppy that’s just waiting to be your best friend … and that’s what’s gonna get me through this … that’s what is pushing me through this massive change … Because more than ever, I want the puppy! I’m ready to take care of it … I’ve practiced, I’ve read up on it, I’ve got everything I’ll need to take care of it (initially, anyway).   So, now, I just gotta put the old dog down … I’ll hug him. I’ll cry.  But in the end, it’ll be better he’s gone … Nursing a sick and dying dog takes a lot of energy … It’s a neverending battle against the inevitable.

The thing that amazes me most is – these massive shifts come just a few weeks before New Years … not on New Years, but before … I always process things before they begin … interesting how that happens.

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