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Your Human Being

where Individual unites with Soul in a dance of love

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letting go

This Moment

Lately, I’ve been having a conversation with myself involving this moment.  For some reason, it has occurred to me (or finally sunk in) that this moment is the start.  The start of what?  EVERYTHING.

More specifically, I’m to the point where I feel that whatever has happened prior to this moment no longer has a hold on me, or me on it.  It took a while for me to get to this space, but I’m loving how it’s feeling!

See, everything before this moment has given me something.  Keep in mind, I’m making the choice to see this in a positive light.  I have already taken the time to sit with, and process fully, the darker stuff.  So, I’ve felt the pain, loss, anger, etc… and dealt with it to the best of my ability (which, fortunately, gets better every time).  But, now I CHOOSE to leave it where it belongs, in the past, and move forward from this moment with the gifts those challenges have given me.  Some of them are deeply imbedded in my being, like my ability to read people (which is a gift from experiencing violence).  Other gifts would be wisdom and knowledge gained by learning everything I could from the lessons I’ve experienced.  Have I learned everything?  Not yet …

So, right now, at this moment, I start.  Taking with me only the gifts, lessons, and wisdom I have gained through my experiences.  Looking forward, each moment.  And the best part is, I can make the same choice any moment I wish, from here on out.

And you can too.

Best wishes on your journey.

Thoughts on Surrender and Surprises

Life pulls out all these unexpected surprises, and the more open I become to the idea of “endless possibilities” the more surprising it becomes.  First of all, I am not the kind of person who is keen on surprises … I’m a Scorpio who likes to uncover mysteries and find hidden truths, so it goes against my innate nature to like surprises.  It would mean someone or something would one-up me!  I can’t let that happen … Besides, as a kid I came to associate surprises with let-downs. So, it has taken quite a bit of work for me to allow surprises.

The idea of endless possibilities may make mathematical sense, but still my imagination feels it’s big enough to reach the depths of the universe.  In reality, my imagination is only able to build on ideas that already exist, stretching known concepts into unknown territory.  Which, in the area of manifestation, still limits those possibilities.

To truly be open to the endless possibilities the universe has to offer me, I need to be able to completely surrender, without thought … I need to let go of all those hidden structures in my brain that are trying to get me to control my outcomes by using my innate problem-solving and imaginative mind.

For me, to be in a state of non-thinking requires distraction … one worthy enough to commit my entire brain.  Otherwise, the only alternative is maintaining a state of unconditional surrender.  Falling into surrender is challenging enough, but maintaining it for any considerable length of time is nearly impossible … “nearly” …

Like anything we care to master, practice is key.  Malcolm Gladwell states in his book, Outliers, that the magical number of practice hours one must have to become a proficient expert is 10,000.  Being that I’ve only been practicing random scatterings of unconditional surrender since August 2012, I’m not quite there yet.  Still, I practice and grow deeper into my dedication.  Surrender does get easier.

And, the more I make the choice to surrender, the more I become pleasantly surprised by the magic and wonder of the universe.  It’s like this giant, loving computer that takes what I feed into it and processes an output that is exactly what I need, whether I want it or not.

Yes, my giant ego requires me to crush it into myself like a can on its way to recycling, imploding all need for thought and control.  Leaving it a crumpled mess of mass, but totally without the space to get in my way.  So, at this moment, I take a deep breath and choose to surrender.  The universe has got this totally figured out.  I don’t have to do anything but smile, allow, and enjoy this moment exactly as it is.

phantom love

my body remembers

 

softening at the echoes of your love

the phantasmic kiss

left glowing

in the wake of your

smiling reassurance

 

coming and going

on their own random time frame

these ghosts haunt my present moment

pinning me in a never-ending cycle

of breathe. release.

 

real enough to feel

their ever-presence

yet not present enough

to hold them

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