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Your Human Being

where Individual unites with Soul in a dance of love

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self-love

Change Your Life By Taking Care of You

The value of developing a healthy, loving relationship with yourself is that it becomes reflected in all areas of your life.  Do you or anyone you know have relationship issues, trouble setting and keeping boundaries, financial issues, or a general unhappiness in life?  Those are all affected by the relationship with yourself.

When you are able to break down and break through those negative programs you’ve developed over the course of your life, and truly cultivate a caring relationship based in self-awareness, things really start to shift in new and positive ways!

Time to heal, nurture, and cultivate that relationship.

 

 

becoming beautiful

Earlier this morning, I watched this video on Upworthy about a woman who grew to love herself.

http://www.upworthy.com/a-man-said-she-was-too-old-to-be-seen-with-him-in-public-well-shes-going-real-public-now?c=hpstream

This got me reflecting on my own history with the way I view my body.  I feel it’s important to know where we come from.  Too often, we do our best to evolve without looking back.  But the real evolution comes when we can look back, honor, and love ourselves through that history.  No matter how difficult it may have been, we’re still here today.

Here is some of my history.  I hope it helps you find peace with yours.

age 2:  i knew that even though my mom said no, my dad would probably say yes.

age 3:  i experienced sexual violence at the hands of one of the sons of a close family friend.  i couldn’t tell anyone, because i was afraid of getting in trouble for interrupting the grown-ups.  i thought for sure someone would notice something was wrong.  i was mistaken.

age 6:  i still felt adorable, and was pretty sure i was magical enough to harness the power of the wind.  (see: http://yourhumanbeing.com/2009/09/29/wind-magic/)

age 7:  my hair got cut short and was occasionally confused as a boy.  i no longer felt adorable, or magical.

age 8:  i experienced intense sexual dysfunction while staying at a friend’s house.  again, there was no one i could tell.

age 12:  i would go to my friend’s house before school and load up on make-up, since i wasn’t allowed to wear it at home.  some cool older girls i knew gave me a bunch of clothes they no longer wore.  i finally felt cool.

age 13:  i sat in a room with a dozen other kids, where we awkwardly tried sharing the stories of how alcoholism has affected our families.  instead, we pretty much just hung out, had a snack, and pushed each other around in big office chairs.

age 15:  i spent a year trying to avoid being seen by my profile due to an overbite and a strongly featured nose.

age 16:  Oprah changed my life.  i came home from school one day to hear her talking about verbal and emotional abuse.  i finally had words to describe my experience.  that same day, i stood up for myself and said “it stops today”.

age 18:  i felt more relaxed, confident, and carefree in my body.  i wore what i wanted to, without trying to measure to a standard set by my less cool classmates.

age 20:  i was determined to marry my boyfriend, because that’s what you do when you have sex with someone you love.

age 23:  confused, and trying to repress the feeling of attraction i felt toward women.  it wasn’t “normal”.

age 25:  even though i was married, i felt so alone, with the exception of the beautiful child i just had.  she was my light, the one true source of beauty in my life.  she gave me purpose.

age 27:  i felt shame about my breasts and scoffed at the irony that because i chose to nurse my child, i was left with deflated balloons.  i wrote about being able to hide a chocolate bar in the extra skin on my stomach.

age 28:  began retraining the muscles in my face to hold my jaw in a more aligned position, believing it would eventually eliminate my overbite.

age 30:  my all was wrapped in motherhood.  i realized after watching other moms that it wasn’t a healthy way of being.  i began reigniting my passion of reading and writing, knowing i’d have to have something to do after they were grown.

age 33:  newly single, i had sexual experiences that i had never experienced before, and finally admitted to myself that i was bi-curious.  i was frightened by the power of my hormones and the desire others had for me, and had no idea how to not be in a relationship, which made me rush in too fast while dating.

age 35:  i found my self-worth in my sexuality.

age 37:  working out regularly at the gym, i felt like i was in the best physical shape of my life.  i accepted being a bit underweight, believing that was my natural body type since i was eating healthy and exercising.  i didn’t want to admit that i wasn’t eating enough.

age 39:  after a series of failed relationships, i found my self-worth in my ability to give to others.  i was finally with someone who verbally appreciated my small breasts, which caused me to want to love them more too.

age 40:  no longer exercising, but finally starting to eat enough, i gained a few pounds.  still naturally skinny, i began to feel a bit more curvy.  the previous relationship went away, but my relationship with my breasts deepened.  i decided to volunteer for a photo shoot that would require me to be nude in the middle of the woods on the coldest day of december.  i was incredibly afraid, but started to feel empowered.  i felt sensual, attractive, alive, and free.

age 41:  worrying less about how i look and more about how i feel, i still felt the need to inform my students i had resting bitch face, and told them i was again working on retraining the muscles in my face to form a permanent Mona Lisa smile.  i didn’t want them to misinterpret my mood or way of being.  (see infomercial here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v98CPXNiSk )

today:  a mother of 3 and nearly 42, i am told i’m beautiful regularly by people who love me.  most importantly, i feel beautiful, radiant, and magical once again.  i accept who i am, and where i’ve been.  during a long walk on the beach, a conversation between the ocean and my body caused me to realize all i have put myself through during the years.  all the insecurities, which i can now call silly, that were so deeply ingrained in my being.  i cried for myself, my body, my spirit.  and through those salty tears, i found a greater respect for my physical being.  i love my body and all it’s been through.  i let the pain of my past way of being, and perceiving myself, wash away with each wave, taking me to a different year, a different level.  i am determined to love myself, no matter how my body decides to present itself during the coming years.

Beauty is not found in the body.  It is found in the embodiment of our own essential and divine human being.

Set the intention to make peace with yourself.  You will find it.

If you need some help, let me know.

Your Sacred Self

What do you need to know about your Sacred Self? It’s you, every little bit of you, masked and unmasked, on the surface and deep in your core. The only person guaranteed to journey from birth to death and back again with you is You. So, if you can’t stand your own company, you may be in for a crappy journey.
Why not find a place in your heart for your Self? Diving deep into love, acceptance, and honoring ourselves, we discover how sacred our relationship with our own Self really is. Then we realize this is our journey, discovering our Sacred Self.
Some gurus refer to this as “awakening the divine within” or “acknowledging your god self,” but really it’s more human than that. It’s about loving ourselves in our innate humanity while recognizing the Being that lives and moves through us all. This radical self love is the most divine state of BeingHuman.

What do you think?

If you would like to learn more about shifting your life by creating a conscious loving relationship with your Self, please email info@yourhumanbeing.com

Best,
Michelle

Princess Michelle

He sometimes calls me Princess.  I’ve never been a princess, nor have I ever really known how to be a princess.  But, love, he is patiently teaching me.  I know it sounds crazy, but to allow someone to love me enough to cater to me is quite out of my element.  I have only just recently begun loving myself enough to believe I deserve it.

It’s been quite a laborious process, delving as deep as possible into my psyche.  Generally, it’s an area we prefer to avoid, the labyrinth of emotion that causes us to make the choices we do.  However, I am determined to discover all the hidden treasures that lie beneath the blocks I created that are keeping me from fully embracing success in all aspects of my life.

So, back to love.  He tells me to stay in bed, enjoy a slow and comfortable morning, while he makes coffee and shovels the driveway, kissing my head and calling me princess on his way out.  I find myself not only cared for, but catered to.

At the very beginning, I told him I wasn’t used to accepting graciousness, gifts, and kindnesses.  I had only just become comfortable with compliments.  He asked me if I wanted him to stop, reminding me that those actions are just his way of showing love.  Instead, I took a deep breath.  Several, in fact, as he continued to give, and I continued to let him.

Some may say “What’s the big deal?”.  Well, a lifetime of low self-worth coupled with the partners that lack of self-love and acceptance drew into my life caused me to be inexperienced in receiving.  I’m a giver, a mother, a healer, and to make myself sit down and let someone take care of me, pamper me took some getting used to.

Now, I’ll wear the princess crown.  I have finally come to the place of love and acceptance of myself that has drawn to me a partner worthy of my giving heart.  He is ready to receive all the love I have to give, and ready to give all the love I am now open to receiving.  I’m totally capable of taking care of myself, but now it’s time to allow someone else to as well.  So, yes, he can do the dishes while I lavish in kitten cuddles.  Yes, he can give me presents.  Yes, I do all the same for him in return.  Afterall, he’s allowed to be a prince as well.

for the love of me

the timeless treasure

of magical thinking

has changed my world

becoming an active participant

in this dance

under moon and stars

weaving in and out of rhythm

with the beat of my own heart

calibrate, renew, awaken

at once full of tribal blood

and the shimmering stars of angels

it beats, then opens. beats, then opens

and i watch

with the eyes of a mystic

this compulsory mating

the holy union

of my self and being

moving into the bliss of orgasmic surrender

fusion and fission

in fractal rhythm

a solar pulse in the heart of the universe

being human – introductory offer

i have become an expert at being human.  occasionally in the past i’ve used my humanity as an excuse for behaviors that would otherwise be deemed unacceptable.  i wasn’t accepting and honoring of myself. now, i use the tools i’ve learned over time to open the issues i once used to whitewash, and bring them into the light.  so, here i am … this human being … being what? well, human …

what does it mean to be human?  more than simply existing … it’s an experiential development of being … of uncovering, deeping, and expanding into awareness and connection.  walking outside and noticing existance to the degree where you feel birds are singing just to say hi to you, and you feel  you can almost see the grass and flowers grow.

being human means saying “here i am” in all of my varying degrees, good and bad … identifying them yet not willing to become identified by them.

i have finally come to a point of loving self-acceptance.  i hope you find yours too.

for more information on how to reach, define, and love your sacred self, please email michelle.pranamama@gmail.com to schedule a free initial consultation.

The Ladies

There are many things I have set out to accomplish in creating this life of mine. (which I am totally digging, by the way …)

I made a list of things about my Self that I found, well … lacking.  My breasts, the one true body issue I have had the past several years, made it on the list.  See, I’m a slim chick and have always had rather smallish, but well-formed breasts.  “What happened?” … MOTHERHOOD.  Ya … you heard me …

I went from a very average size bosom to (pardon me) gi-normous breasts during my pregnancy/breastfeeding cycles.  After 3 kids, it takes a toll … Actually, they never truly recovered after the first kid, but I digress …

The point is, I was self-conscious.  Saggy, deflated … these were the words I used to describe the essence of my nurturing mother-self.  I used to fantasize about a solid C cup, but do not personally believe augmentation is appropriate for me (the person who preaches radical self-acceptance and self-love).  So, instead I silently prayed  “Please, God … just fill them back in …”  Trying breast massage, and reading about creams;  I would decry the tragic irony of the universe.  “I nursed 3 children! You’d think I’d get rewarded with a splendid rack!  But, no …”

So, it’s settled then … this is what I’ve got.  Time for me to love the ladies.  Setting the intention, I stopped all negative self-talk about my breasts.  So they’re small … so they aren’t voluptuous …  They gave life and nourishment to 3 amazing people, caressed and seduced lovers, gave countless numbers of hugs, and are guardians to the seat of this woman’s spirit … the heart.  They nurture, love, fulfill … and if I don’t love them, who will?

So, these mini goddesses of mine … I love them very much.  They’ve been with me for quite a while now, and I finally know to treat them with the proud dignity, love and respect they deserve.  They’re soft, sensual, sexy as hell, and quite beautiful actually.

I may be slim on the outside, but I’m voluptuous on the inside … and that’s what really counts.  Right, ladies?

 

What? You wanna talk about sex?

In our culture, we grow up with so many mores and standards of ethics based on religious dogma, we either repress our natural sexual expression or we rebel and exploit it. As a result, we have grown into a society perpetually recovering from sex crimes, where porn is so prevalent that it has influenced our views of what sex should be … men cum too soon, some women never … Few want to know about men that sleep with men (don’t ask/don’t tell), but are totally cool with girl on girl action as long as they’re both hot.

We are at the extreme of imbalance. People are frustrated, unfulfilled, and uncomfortable in their own skin.  Women can’t talk about sex or they’re labeled as sluts, and when men discuss it, they usually aren’t taken seriously because “they’re just guys” (insert eyeroll here).

In truth, every single one of us is a product of sex (as far as I know, no test tube babies have been hatched).  Not a single one of us is above it.  Some choose celibacy, some polyamory, some monogamy … and as long as it works for them – What’s the problem?  Problem is, too many hold judgement when it comes to sex.

Slutty, kinky, vanilla … all labels based on misinformed beliefs.  Even monogamy in some circles has become a bad word.  God forbid we talk openly about masturbation …

Yesterday, I read an incredibly well-written article on female ejaculation.  It was so comprehensive, I wanted to share it.  But wait … what if my facebook friends disapproved … I decided to use the ultimate spiritual way to let go …*fuck it* …. and I went ahead and posted it.  Thing is, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.  Every single person on this earth has either had sex or thought about it.  I no longer hold myself accountable to other people’s perceptions.  I am here for the liberation and evolution of my being … and ideally, to help others do the same.  If it challenges their way of thinking – GOOD!

We need to take the shame out of sex – RIGHT NOW.  That one emotion is why so many abused never speak about it and hold onto the victimization, never fully recovering, and resulting in surrendering a little part of their being to their perpetrator permanently.

We need to openly accept, admit, and love our individual sexual selves.  As long as it is not a harm to ourselves or anyone else – Who really cares?

We are all just beings on this wonderful earth, trying to get through our days as best we can … finding love and happiness along the way.  Self-love and acceptance are crucial, and turning points in world peace.  It is so much easier to love, accept and understand each other when we can love, understand and accept our selves.

As far as the article I mentioned, it was written by a Tantric practitioner who only recently discovered this “gift” herself (visit www.freddyandeddy.com for more info).  It’s something every woman is physically able to do … it takes a lot of intimacy, communication, and comfort (but once you get the hang of it, you won’t wanna stop) … and can actually deepen the bond between partners.  So … why not?  Forget the labels … find your own happiness … and allow others to do the same.

How do I love me? (thank you, Elizabeth Barett Browning)

How do I love me?  Let me count the ways

I love me to the depth and breadth and height

my soul can reach, when feeling, extending

beyond my Being and into ideal Grace.

I love me for my everyday’s

most quiet need, by sun or shade

I love me freely, without any shame

I love me purely, as I love my god

I love me with the passion I use

in my art, and loving you.

I love me with a love I seemed to lose

with all the rest … I love me for the breath

smiles, tears of all my life!  and … i choose

to continue to love me until death

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